Posted: 2017-09-11 10:21
I think that a large part of the problem with online dating is how we view ourselves and others. The vast majority of profiles I've seen read like job applications. It seems as if a healthy smattering of keywords is all that is required to share who we are as individuals. The majority of profiles are as similar as mainstream medias concept of beauty. In the end there isn't much to differentiate one profile from another.
We carefully “peruse” the onslaught of “opportunities” (. responses and messages) we receive because WE HAVE TO. Not because we a rude, stuck-up b*tches atop our thrones. Meanwhile, you guys are doing the ole, what is it? Oh yeah – “numbers game.” So – you tell me, men - as you are keen to say, “ if the situation were reversed” – maybe, just maybe you wouldn’t find it quite as glamorous and fun as you are imagining. We women are wading through a sea of what contains everything from – (best case scenario), truly good guys who perhaps don’t articulate themselves as a match on paper - all the way to a plethora of ( worst case scenario) - psychopaths, married men, rapists, pedophiles and just plain old weirdos, etc.
You did spend a lot of time on your tex to clarify the situation! I salute you for this effort. I do understand and identify to all of what you said. I am only saddenned that the phenomenon of online dating is a speculative viscious circle where the more men need to date someone, the more selective because submerged women are and therefore the more men need to date someone! = / (I guess men pushed the button first)
Both sides have their rights and wrongs. I always liked meeting people in Internet. I always thought (and I still do) that dating websites are a great idea. I always protect dating websites because of a simple reason - it's a public place where real people are showing themselves. You found creepy people on dating websites? Sure, but you know that they also exist in real life and you could meet them on a classic date, right?
The female orgasm is very easy. Friction on clitoris. Mechanical, just like men's. Since women are human beings just as men are, this is no surprise. Massages/candles not required. Unfortunately, after a few years easy sexual arousal for women requires a new partner. Of course, women CAN still have an orgasm, even if they don't find you arousing any more, with a bit of work. Monogamy, though difficult for women, is possible.
I have to mention that I did get maybe a message or two from guys that seemed okay, but once I checked out their profiles, it didn&rsquo t seem like we had anything in common so I didn&rsquo t bother. That&rsquo s one of the issues I see with online dating though. Words on a page can only tell you so much and often, they are not the best &ldquo first impressions&rdquo . Personally, I think there is so much more to be gained from talking with someone face to face &ndash you are able to read their body language and listen to intonation in their voice, which are much better indicators than online messages or profiles.
I also ignore or block creepy messages for which I get a lot. If you're okay looking and you message me about something we're both interested in I will reply. If I replied to every single message, even the ones I wasn't attracted to, I would have to be talking to at least 65 different guys every day. And they would probably continue talking to me for a week at least. That's around 655 different people I would have to talk to by the end of my first week. Almost all of those guys will probably be ones I'm not interested in so why would I bother? It will be a waste of time for both of us.
As to the creepy responses. Some may be legit creepy but a lot of them are jaded men who know that writing a well thought out response is an utter waste of time for them, especially older men. That said the older men are just living in denial about the reality the women by in large do not want them all. Same for older gay men. Yes it's partly ageism "Ewww he could be my father". But that's because they are an don't understand that really what would you talk about, you pop culture connections would be so out of date for them (unless you luck out with an old soul). Also another reason for short messages is because guys HAVE ALWAYS by in large done it short and sweet. Think about the cheesy pick up lines or conversation starters at a bar. They are not deep probing question that want to know more about why you are in medieval crossbow shooting.
I've tried POF and am currently using OkCupid. I've gotten to speak with a few women, but only have met one outside of the digital world and we found that we didn't really connect. Which is my main problem thus far with the sites lack of connection. I can think of plenty of reasons why women wouldn't respond to me, but for those who do, we just can't seem to connect. Eventually, we seem to run out of things to chat about, and the conversations die off.
Fortunately i am content with who I am as a person and recognize that at this stage of my life I am looking for a woman to connect with intellectually, emotionally and spiritually. Certainly for myself physical attraction is important but it has moved from the top of my list to the bottom. I wish I could state that my shifting ideals have made it easier to find potential partners but in reality it is now immeasurably more difficult.
My advice to Eric is to get back on line. He will eventually find maybe not the "perfect girl" but a girl he can live with. And that's another thing. We all form in our mind the picture of the "perfect mate" - the right mix of intelligence, beauty, oersonality and income. Then we measure all prospects against that ideal and, unsurprisingly, all candidates fail the comparison. Life is a series of compromises. As the 6975s song said "If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with."
The design of our education system clearly has its roots in the workings of industry. Teach children to be on time and ready for a full days learning. Teach children to submit to authority early (teacher) so as to be prepared to submit to those in managerial positions later on. Teach children to seek out permission in regards to bodily functions so as to further separate them from the ability to govern themselves. Likewise our education system separates children from families to further degrade our communal nature (including compassion and empathy) and therefore connection to each other.
I've yet to find a real dating site. What is missing from all these sites is the social aspect. almost has it. They have their "events", but they are few and far apart. A dating site should be where people.. wait for it.. TALK. interact, have people exchange their opinions and see if they are compatible. Hell, even have them play some games together as ice breakers. Instead of have this computer assume that just because you like Rock n Roll and she likes Jazz that you can't be together. We are a complex creature, we want to be challenged. We want to learn and get new experiences. Maybe he will love Jazz, maybe she'll love Rock. Maybe they will never love each other's music, but they will love each other because of their deep secret love for Captain Crunch cereal! However, without trying, or interacting, we will not know. Is there a risk? Of course, there is a risk at love. But, all good things come with a bit of risk after all. The faster people accept this, the faster you will find what you are looking for.
Ohh my the replies are so scathing to you, how dare you come on here and make such opinions?!? You are by no means entitled to an opinion, which, exactly what the broad said to you. What a incredibly hypocritical statement, when her whole reply is her opinion of your opinion. I guess only women have the right to opine on anything. Then, when a male opines they are "out of line" and "need to check themselves and their own issue". Same exact BS all girls pull when they think a guy can have any thoughts about all the mistakes they make with dating. But they can't spout out all the guy's mistakes that are made and try to sound like dating experts. Just shut up, your "opinions" are no more relevant than anyone's.
I think women need to start taking more responsibility for themselves - rather than sit there receiving message upon message and complaining about it - they should actually do their own searches and find and message someone that seems suitable.
I can't believe some women have been on certain websites for months and months and still haven't found a partner - I'm pretty sure if I even had 65% of the messages your average female receives I would have found someone within a month or so.
Also, I think any girl that is reasonably good looking and serious about finding someone won't be a on a dating site very long - either it will prove too much for them and they'll quit or they'll find someone quickly. I'm always wary of the good looking girls that hang out on these sites long term. If you read their profiles they'll normally have a laundry list of "must haves" that just screams high maintenance OR they won't bother with any content at all and let their photos do all the work. These girls have let the massive amount of choice they get from online dating go to their head and most seem obsessed with finding the perfect guy. It wouldn't surprise me if they end up getting used a lot by guys telling them everything they want to hear and then dumping them once they get them into bed. Funnily enough it doesn't seem to occur to them that maybe they are looking for the wrong things.
No matter your personality, Grommr has tools you can use to interact with the people you like most. Some users will use the private chat and messaging. Others will like the video chat room, or commenting on photos. The choice is yours. You can follow members, post to their public wall, like their posts and photos (we call that a "Nom"), send them a private message, or just a flirt—a kind of predefined message—to break the ice.
Be selective about which dating agency you use. For example there are some associated with quality newspapers and in UK one associated with a classical music radio channel. Those are not likely to appeal to readers of the tabloid press or aficionados of more popular styles of music so you have some idea what kind of person you'll meet. There is also a cost range. Low budget sites will attract low budget people.
I'm a writer, so my profile tends to attract men with a high intellect or a desire to find an emotional match, so they comment on something I'd written primarily. However, the ones that catch a peek at my attractiveness or curvaceousness do mention it in their first message and their ssecond message and their third message and in text messages and, sometimes, on a first date where it's inappropriate and, for lack of a better word, "creepy."
Although in all dating sites there will always be sharks.. I believe I will just be cautious and avoid them. I have been in different dating site and I would not last a month. It's just sometimes I don't know what to say to make them stay or make them reply to my message. I just recently deleted my account again to the point that sometimes its making me lost the confidence I have in me.
So in the meantime.. I'm wrapping myself up with positivity.. that somehow I am going
meet the one.. I know it would take some patience, effort and time.